


and i like you

by spangel



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Raphael is gay and gray-aro and ace, Simon is bi, they're very happy together!!!!!!!!! the finale did not happen.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 23:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6491644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spangel/pseuds/spangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm so used to watching shows where vampires are the bad guys. You know, like Spike was before the shitstorm that was season five. But now I'm one of them, and it just feels weird."</p><p>(Or: Simon and Raphael watch some Buffy together, Raphael realizes that he likes Simon, and Simon realizes that he isn't as straight as he probably thought.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i like you

_i._

 

He carries Simon to the Institute with a gentleness that he didn't even know he was capable of. His feet get tired but he doesn't stop, and he only puts Simon down when he knows that it is safe.

 

_ii._

 

He gives Clary the choice to bury him or stake him, and Clary selfishly picks  _bury._ Raphael could almost find it understandable, the love that Clary has that makes the thought of losing him unbearable. But here's Simon, now: a monster. He's blaming Raphael for it and that's fair - if he was in Simon's place, he would make the same assumption too - but Raphael never wanted this to happen. Simon may be really fucking annoying but he doesn't deserve this, and he especially doesn't deserve to hate himself because he wants to drink blood, or kill people, or whatever. It's - not that bad, once you adjust. And Simon will adjust.

 

He's family now. Vampires take care of their own and Simon will  _learn._

 

_iii._

 

"Welcome home."

 

He can smell the nightmares on Simon, his first night. Considers  _comforting_ him, even, but doesn't because that's some kind of weakness that he doesn't understand. Clary's weakness was Simon, for some reason. Her other weakness was Jace, but they are different, and Raphael wonders if Simon will ever catch on to that - here's another thing that he can smell on Simon: his love for Clary Fray.

 

Raphael has never been in  _love,_ or in lust -  _well._ Once, before he was turned, but that was  _once upon a time,_ and that's a story lost. Raphael barely remembers the feeling, or the boy, or anything that came with it. He knows that he's capable of it, but it's extremely rare. He doesn't really understand Simon's feelings, and that's not because of his aversion to it  - Clary is brave and loving and fights for what she wants, it's nearly admirable, but Raphael knows something that Simon doesn't. He feels that same pitiful, exhausting feeling that he felt when he carried Simon to the Institute.

 

That same  _stupid, revolting_ feeling.

 

_iv._

 

When Simon finally brings up the nightmares, Raphael comforts him. In his own way.

 

"I've been having -" Simon stops, and Raphael can tell that he's stuck on wondering if it's a good idea to mention something that implies terror and weakness, like a nightmare. "Nightmares," he finishes. "Is that a thing that usually..."

 

"It's not uncommon," Raphael replies, his response being half-lie, half-truth. "I understand that you're struggling with your new life. They will subside."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Positive," Raphael says. Another half-lie. "If they don't, tell me."

 

"I must be some kind of -"

 

"Don't... finish that," Raphael tells him, words stopping around  _don't_ like it's a threat. "You are not a monster."

 

"You don't know how to not be a monster," Simon says back.

 

"Neither of us are monsters," Raphael says, firmly. "We are different. There is no shame in that."

 

Simon buries his head in his hands for a moment, sighs. "I'm so used to watching shows where vampires are the bad guys. You know, like Spike was before the shitstorm that was season five. But now I'm one of them, and it just feels weird."

 

"We're not 'bad guys'. We do what we have to."

 

"You kidnapped me."

 

"I never wanted you to die, Simon. That was never my intention."

 

Simon's face lights up, and the topic changes completely: "Hey," he says. "I'm Angel! And you're, like... Spike, but from the last season of Angel."

 

"I don't know what that means," Raphael says. "But if that makes you feel better, then fine. You're an angel. Whatever."

 

"You've seriously never seen Buffy? Also, the character is named Angel. But I'm flattered."

 

"What's Buffy?"

 

"You know what," Simon says. "I don't want to be a vampire if it means that no one understands my witty yet possibly inappropriately timed television show references."

 

"If you continue making them, I can assure you that your existence as a vampire will be short."

 

Simon ignores his remark. "I think I may have found a good way of coping with my new life as a blood sucking monst-  _vampire._ "

 

"And what is that?"

 

"Annoying you," Simon says.

 

He winks, and Raphael gives a small, sarcastic smile back.

 

And -  _shit._

 

Raphael is feeling something new:

 

_intrigue._

 

_v._

 

Simon asks if they have computers in the hotel, and Raphael responds with, "Of course we do. Do you think we're completely stuck in the past?"

 

"Not answering that," Simon says. "I wanna show you something. Come here."

 

He's lying on the bed, and motioning for Raphael to come over with -  fuck, with  _intrigue_ and a smug ass smile on his face, and Raphael hesitates for a moment, but joins him on the bed without question. He doesn't really know what to expect, but then he realizes that Simon is starting a  _video._

 

"No, no," he says. "I'm not doing this."

 

He starts to leave, but Simon grabs him by the arm and stops him. "Are you afraid you might actually enjoy something for once?"

 

Raphael looks down at Simon's hand, and sighs. "Fine. One episode."

 

_vi._

 

The episode ends and Simon closes the laptop.

 

"Why are you doing that?" Raphael asks.

 

"What, turning the computer off?" Simon says. "The episode's over, you said you'd only watch one. It's not that hard to deduce."

 

Raphael glares at him.

 

"...Unless," Simon says, beaming, "you want to watch another."

 

"It was... interesting," Raphael says. "I like Willow. I wish I could rip out Xander's throat, however. And despite the fact that she kills my kind, Buffy is... not bad, when it comes to fighting."

 

Simon is smiling so hard that Raphael thinks his face must ache. "Told you you'd like it."

 

"Just play the episode."

 

_vii._

 

He's so invested in Buffy that he doesn't notice Simon falling asleep on his shoulder.

 

He feels weight on him, and looks to his side, and apparently Simon looks really - cute? - when he's sleeping. All of a sudden he's running again, just like he was when he carried Simon, because  _fuck,_ Simon is something along the lines of cute and this isn't okay. This can't be allowed.

 

He lets Simon sleep on him, though, and here's a different story:

 

Raphael thinks that this is the beginning of something, thinks that and immediately regrets it.  So here's the  _real_ beginning:

 

He falls asleep, too. With Simon on his shoulder.

 

In the morning, Simon wakes up terrified. 

 

All Raphael does is ask: "Simon, do you still think we're monsters?"

 

"No," Simon admits.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because -" Simon starts, and Raphael knows-or-is-hoping-that he'll finish that with  _because of you._ Which. Is stupid, and can't be allowed. There are lots of things that can't be allowed. "Because I got to know you, and you're just... a regular guy. Except for the fact that you drink blood and you're dead. But really, you're just like me."

 

"Watch it," Raphael says, but his words are playful - they have a kind of happiness that neither Simon nor Raphael knew he was capable of. 

 

"You know you love me," Simon says, like they've been friends for years and years, like the situation between them is different.

 

Raphael coughs.

 

"Right," Simon says, and walks off.

 

They don't talk, much, after that.

 

_viii._

 

So, there's a problem. There's a problem and it  _isn't_ Simon saying  _you know you love me_ to Raphael after they fell asleep together -  _well._ That's part of it, but mostly, the problem is this: Simon has noticed something  _different_ in Raphael. His appearance is off. Like, Raphael is acting and dressing like a  _normal_ person. For lack of a better term. He's not actually a person and he's definitely not normal, but the point is: Raphael isn't wearing one of his pretentious suits. 

 

This is probably because it's early, and Simon is only now realizing that Raphael doesn't actually  _sleep_ in his pretentious suits. Actually, Simon just kind of assumed that Raphael didn't sleep at all, even after The Incident. Simon just thought that Raphael - and by extension, all vampires - never slept. Or, if they did, it was hanging upside down, like a bat or something. It should be  _obvious_ because Simon is a vampire now, and he fell asleep,  _hello,_ but Raphael doesn't really - seem? - like the kind of guy who does normal things like sleeping. You're vulnerable when you sleep, open to attacks. 

 

But Simon said it himself, Raphael is  _just like him._

 

That's what's so jarring about it: Raphael is walking around in a regular t-shirt and pants. Drinking blood out of a mug like it's morning coffee.

 

Another problem: he's actually kind of...  _cute_ like this.

 

"Morning," Simon says, and Raphael jumps slightly.

 

"You startled me," Raphael says.

 

Last problem: Simon is staring at him. Like,  _intensely._ Then - shit. Then he realizes that he's literally looking at Raphael's body like he wants it. Which is totally something that straight dudes do when they're straight and heterosexual and they like women. 

 

"Is there something I can help you with?" Raphael asks.

 

Simon forces himself to look Raphael in the eye. "Yes - I mean, no. No, there's nothing. Absolutely nothing at all."

 

Now Simon is the one who's running.

 

_ix._

 

 

It just gets worse for the both of them - Raphael catches Simon looking at him like  _that_ and doesn't know what to do, and Simon tries to ignore the fact that he was totally into Raphael for a few seconds. It's really hard to ignore. Every time he sees Raphael, he looks away. Hides his eyes.

 

Until Raphael sits down next to him, and says: "Simon, we need to talk," and shit, Simon's mind is fluttering all over the place.  _Shit, he knows. He knows. I don't know what he knows. There's nothing to know. But he knows, somehow. It's like telepathy or something._

 

"Okay," Simon says. He's okay. He isn't freaking out. "What about?"

 

"Our relationship."

 

"Okay?" Simon repeats. "What about it?"

 

"I know that it got... uncomfortable. The day that you said that. But -"

 

"You mean when I said that you love -"

 

"Don't make me relive it," Raphael interrupts. "My point is, I would like... to try again. There is still so much you have to learn, I can't have things becoming awkward between us."

 

"I don't want that either," Simon admits. "I really do like you, Raphael. You're growing on me."

 

"But I also don't want you to get the wrong idea."

 

Oh,  _there it is._ If Simon wasn't, you know,  _dead,_ his heart would be racing. 

 

"There's an idea? I never knew there was an idea. There are no ideas. I know nothing. I don't know anything about anything."

 

"I've never been -" Raphael stops. "Interested. In anyone. In _that_ way."

 

"Oh."

 

"I don't want you to be disappointed, Simon."

 

"I'm straight," Simon says, weakly.

 

"Whatever you say."

 

"I am, though!"

 

"I'm not," Raphael says. "Simon, I'm trying to tell you that I like you. But apparently you're too stupid to figure that out."

 

"I'm not stupid," Simon says. "Wait, you're gay?"

 

"That depends on what you mean. If you mean that as in, 'only interested in men', then you're correct. If you mean, 'wants to have sex', then no."

 

"Oh," Simon says. "That's fine. Kinda TMI. But fine. Hey. Can I - tell you a secret?"

 

"Depends," Raphael says. "Depends on what kind of secret it is. I don't want to know anything about your... experiences."

 

"What? No. I was going to tell you that I think I might like you back, but apparently you're too stupid to figure that out."

 

He feels like a little kid again when he says it, and Raphael rolls his eyes. 

 

"Okay," is all that Raphael says.

 

"So, what's the next step? Are we a  _thing_ now?"

 

"I guess," Raphael says. "But there are a few rules. One, I'm never going to read your Star Trek fanfiction, no matter how hard you beg me to read it."

 

"How did you know I write -"

 

" _Two,_ you'll listen to me whenever I ask you to do something."

 

"Don't I already do that?"

 

"And three, you'll be sharing clothes with me from now on. You need to look respectable."

 

"I think I can live with that," Simon says. "I have a question."

 

"Yes?"

 

"You're... okay with kissing, right?"

 

Raphael smiles and it's  _genuine,_ this time. It's _real_ and Simon has never seen Raphael like this. 

 

"Yes."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ............ wow I can't believe this is canon and the finale ended with them kissing. Amazing!
> 
> "We're hollow like the bottles that we drain  
> You drape your wrists over the steering wheel  
> Pulses can drive from here  
> We might be hollow, but we're brave
> 
> And I like you  
> I love these roads where the houses don't change (and I like you)" - "400 Lux", Lorde.
> 
> I tried but this is so ooc im gonna cry?????????? im Sorry


End file.
